I worked very hard today. Yep. I spent hours and hours and hours writing. I was trying to think of just the right words to create just the right feel, and it was a tough one. Things weren't going my way, as it were.
So, I took a break and read some news articles. Turns out that the most important event reported in the world today was Justin Bieber's (I don't know if I spelled that right) income. This is a trend. A few weeks ago I found out that Justin Bieber has a tattoo. Yahoo! showed a close-up. This was more important than the economic report, apparently, but I digress.
As I said, I was taking a break and discovered that last year JB earned (made) 53 million. WHICH IS THE EXACT SAME AMOUNT I MADE! HOW INSANE IS THAT? Well, give or take.
And I thought, what a profoundly talented young man he must be to have such a hefty portfolio. (I know little about him.) I went to YouTube. You're probably way ahead of me on this one, but I watched a video of one of his songs–Baby, I think it was called. Turns out I'm not the only one to have seen it.
From his video, I gleaned some crucial get rich secrets which I will now share with you.
1. Bowl. This seemed especially important to Justin. But do not attempt Co-Ed bowling. Girls on one lane, boys on the other. This is important.
2. Hand gestures. While experiencing any emotion, it is beneficial to throw your hands out in the direction you are facing.
3. Stand against a wall. If you stand with your back against a wall, good things happen. You are allowed to dance, emote, close your eyes–anything. Just remember: Back to the wall. This is a good thing.
4. Find friends who talk. You must sing and gyrate. But you can have friends who talk. JB's friend appears midway through and starts talking. (They may also make hand gestures.) I did not understand him, but that doesn't seem to bother anybody. Nor does the fact that he's three times Justin's age. But whatever.
5. Hair. It must point in the same direction as your nose. Forward and sloped down. As I am bald, this is the part of the get-rich plan I may struggle with.
6. Sing inspired lyrics. I took careful notes here as I'd spent all day struggling to write powerful pages. I came away feeling like maybe I needed to simplify. As far as I could gather, Justin got away with:
Baby. Baby. Baby. Oo.
Like Baby. Baby. Baby. No (or Noo)
Baby. Baby. Baby. Oo.
I thought you'd always by mine (or nine, which at times seemed appropriate).
So there you have it. The six steps to wealth. Again:
Bowl. Hand gestures. Stand against walls. Find friends who talk. Nose-sloped hair. Inspired lyrics.
See, it really isn't that hard. The next time you struggle to pay that bill, don't fret. Just throw that hair forward, grab a bowling ball, and fling yourself against a wall. You can do this, baby!